Friday, November 4, 2011

Hands off ladies, the man is mine.

Like any sophisticated woman of the 21st century, I have the latest in fashion accessories, a gay.  Finding a gay in TMT is not an easy task, so a girl has to take what she can get.  My gay is married, straight, and has a fashion sense that would cause Carson Kressley to call an emergency meeting of the Queer Eye guys, but hey, beggars can't be choosers.  In fact, I was lucky enough to have Theodore (Theo for short) approach me! 

We had been friends for a few weeks after having met at work, when Theo came to me and informed me he was my gay.  With any relationship one wants to take their time, not move too fast or make hasty decisions.  It is advised that people get to know one another before taking the next step.  And so upon careful consideration I decided that Theo's proclamation had been given at an appropriate time, and I accepted.

We had just entered tricky territory.  There is no how-to book on having a relationship with a (fake) gay, and me and Theo quickly realized there are a lot of questions that arise.  For instance, was I allowed to have another gay, and was Theo, for that matter, allowed to be another woman's gay?  Is he required to go shopping with me despite his flawed fashion sense?  Am I to include him in every girls' night out?  We were afraid we were getting in over our heads.

Fortunately Theo and I didn't come across too many of these hurdles, until one day last week when he told me "I am someone else's gay."  I was hurt and angry.  "Who is she?"  I demanded, "does she work with us?"  He said no, but this didn't make it much better.  After I calmed down I realized that I have no true claim to Theo, we had never really determined what the rules were, we were learning as we went. 

In the end "the other woman" was a non-issue, she informed Theo that she no longer needed a gay, which was fine with me, but Theo seemed a bit down.  Oh well, I don't remember any rule saying I had to offer a shoulder for him to cry on, I'm pretty sure that's his wife's job.

1 comment:

  1. I had a real gay at my workplace, not even a fake gay. We were great pals. But I'm so dumb, I thought he was straight for about two years. Then he quit. Then I found out he was gay (and had been 100% out of the closet for a decade). All that time, I could have had free fashion advice, furniture advice, hair advice.


    Opportunity wasted. Lesson learned.

    Now I just assume everyone is gay unless they tell me upfront otherwise. My life just got a whole lot easier.