A few weeks ago, my boyfriend, Charles, informed me that his father Bob and Bob’s lady friend (let’s face it, when you’re in your 70’s she is no longer a girlfriend), Sally, would be coming for a visit.
Me: When are they getting here?
Charles: I don’t know, maybe sometime next week.
Me: How long are they staying with us?
Charles: I don’t know, a week or two, maybe.
Me: Oh good.
I like Bob and Sally, they are very nice. Bob is quiet and happy with a couch and a T.V., so basically he is low maintenance. Sally makes up for Bob’s taciturn ways. Sally has lead a very interesting life in her 75 years, and I am pretty sure she is trying to get the story out there to anyone who will listen, in a second by second retelling of her life and times. I am always excited to have guests, especially if they are family, especially if they are staying with us during the week, when I have to work (“Sorry, I just don’t have enough leave to take time off! I know, bummer, you’re going to have to go antiquing without me, sucks!”). So I was cool with the short notice of Bob and Sally’s
impending welcomed visit.
Then Charles brought up the Christmas card.
Charles: Sally was upset by the Christmas card we sent. (we = me, Charles doesn’t do cards)
Me: Seriously, it’s February. I mean…What was wrong with the card? (I am pretty sure there was an eye roll accessorizing that question).
Charles: I don’t know something about leaving her name off the card. I shouldn’t have brought it up.
Me: Her name was on the card, I clearly remember writing “Dear Bob and Sally”.
Charles: Then I don’t know. Forget I said anything, why are you getting so defensive, GOD!
I couldn’t stop thinking about this horrible and offensive Christmas card I had sent to Charles’ father and his lady friend, what had I written (or not written)? And as the day changed into night I was no closer to realizing my folly. Had I written some hidden message in the text, one that if you held the card up to a mirror in a candle lit bathroom while playing Led Zeppelin backwards, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer would appear and sing (out of tune) Christmas Carols forever?, because that could make some people a little upset. And as similarly rational thoughts raced through my head at 1:30 in the morning, it finally dawned on me…
They never sent us a Christmas card.